


Bestseller

by Tabithian



Series: Heels Turn Black [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 14:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6807949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabithian/pseuds/Tabithian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Jason, no,” Tim says, knowing his words are falling on deaf ears. “Please don't do the thing.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bestseller

**Author's Note:**

> [Because reasons.](http://tabithian.tumblr.com/post/144124855139/annabellioncourt-aaaaa42-a-childrens-book)

“Jason, no,” Tim says, knowing his words are falling on deaf ears. “Please don't do the thing.”

And Jason, because he's Jason, ignores Tim and turns to Damian - _Damian_ \- and says, “So I was thinking, we could turn this into a series if it gets good press.”

“Please, no,” Tim tries again, even though he knows how this is going to end. 

Damian, because he's Damian, steeples his hands in front of his face like a movie villain, and says, “Intriguing idea, Todd. I'm listening.”

“Okay, look,” Jason says. “We go with this title, we can spin this into a series. Start slow, get the rubes hooked with this first book, right? They can sell it as a kid-friendly conservation message or some bullshit – which you know they'll eat up without getting the blatant hypocrisy – and then we shift it to some suspense-thriller. This tree has friends who wonder where he went, right? So they start looking and someone starts picking them off one at a time - “

Tim looks to where Bruce is hiding behind his newspaper, suspiciously still, even for him.

“This is your fault,” Tim mutters.

The newspaper dips, just enough for Tim to see Bruce's raised eyebrow.

“Oh?”

Tim slumps down in his chair, sliding his coffee mug between his hands on the table. 

“You know what you did,” Tim says, because Bruce does, and has the gall to pretend he doesn't. 

Bruce is the one who got Vicki Vale so curious about Gotham's most eligible bachelor all those years ago, letting her curiosity grow to the point it had inevitably spilled out onto _them_.

With another charity auction on the horizon, she'd cast her net (web?) wider, and this time managed to ensnare Damian.

And then Jason had come sniffing around, this glint in his eye that boded well for no one, and now here they are.

Grouped around the kitchen table at Wayne Manor while Jason pitches horrible idea after horrible idea to Damian, who's been doing rough sketches for the ones that catch his attention.

Bruce _hmms_ , all smug amusement.

And Tim?

Tim is trying, in a half-hearted manner, to prevent them from unleashing some untold horror onto all of Gotham – no, _the world_ \- before it's too late.

(There's no possible way this won't end in tears and suffering and more tears.)

Half-hearted, because this is what Vicki Vale gets for thinking there would be no consequences in coming after them time and again like this, but.

There are innocents to consider here.

Not the self-important blowhards who'd blathered on and on about the hidden meanings behinds Tim's photographs, no.

Others, who will see articles regarding this children's book illustrated by one of Bruce Wayne's children for charity, and will buy it because surely it must be for good cause, and then - 

Well.

Tim doubts the books would be seen by the supposed target audience or even understood by them, but there's a possibility someone who buys a copy might not just do so for the chance to get one up on their peers.

“Since you're enjoying all of this so much, Bruce, I want you think about this,” Tim says. “What do you think Dick will come up with when Vicki Vale manages to con him into contributing his talents to charity?”

Odds are, it will prove to be just as terrible as what Jason and Damian are cooking up, and Tim plans to be far, far away when that happens because he knows Dick.

Knows he will find some way to drag Tim into it, and just.

No.

 _No_.

But, and this is the thing giving Tim hope now, Dick is just as likely to turn to Bruce for assistance with whatever he comes up with.

Tim smiles grimly at the look of realization on Bruce's face.

“For a good cause, of course,” Tim says, because why else would they do it?


End file.
